No, reader, this is not a centuries-old painting of a shotgun wedding. Despite appearances, the woman in green is not believed to be pregnant. Art historians, in truth, have not come to many ...

So, here's what I've discovered so far. It's called the "Arnolfini Portrait". And it was painted in Bruges, a city in Belgium, by a man called Jan van Eyck. So, it looks pretty simple, doesn't it?